Keto Flu: Bathroom Runs and Threatening the Disabled.

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

Yes, I’m a quitter. I give up. I’ve failed. Not quite, but I have decided not to continue the Keto diet. For various reasons, I have decided that the keto diet is just not for me. I know, I know, dude, you only made it three weeks? How can you make a concrete decision on something you’ve only tried for three weeks? Easy answer, I didn’t make the decision, my body made it for me. Soooooo, no one forewarned me about the keto flu. So here I am, week one down, I’m feeling energetic, lighter, I have more energy, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing ever so sweetly in the trees, life is GRAND. Shit. Life isn’t grand, and it hit me just as quickly as that expletive that appeared to be out of place, hit you. You know what? Shit is the PERFECT word to describe my experience over the last two weeks. Lots of it, in fact. Loads of it. Not to mention, restlessness, fatigue, and I’m pretty sure I threatened to throw a paraplegic to the ground, and place their cell phone just out of their reach so they would just be miserable and helpless. Yes. Shit got real. Literally and figuratively. The keto diet literally turned me into this demonic, hateful, insane, loose bowled person I didn’t recognize. Let’s listen to a few words from my favorite doctor of natural medicine and clinical nutritionist, John Axe, from health.com

“If you find yourself running to the bathroom more often while on a ketogenic diet, a quick internet search will show you that you’re not alone. (Yes, people are tweeting about keto diarrhea.) This may be due to the gallbladder—the organ that produces bile to help break down fat in the diet—feeling “overwhelmed,” says Axe.”

Running to the bathroom more often is the understatement of the year.

Now let’s talk about why I threatened a disabled person, (just happens to be my sister). Who knew this about sugar? Not me. 

“Sugar causes a release of endorphins in the brain. These are your body’s natural opioids. It’s possible that your body craves these extra opioids when they’re gone, causing withdrawal. Sugar also causes a release of dopamine, which plays a major role in habit formation.” 

OPIOIDS? Sugar, is considered the body’s natural heroin? WTF. Let’s keep reading.

“Whether or not you can actually become addicted to, or physically dependent upon, sugar depends largely on your definition of addiction. But it does appear that many people experience withdrawal-like symptoms when they give it up.” Symptoms such as:

• Intense cravings for something sweet

• Intense cravings for other carbohydrates, like chips or pasta

• Depressed

• Irritability

Now one of the ketos no no’s is sugar. Your intake of it is pretty much non-existent. Apparently my body had become so dependent on it, without it I literally lost my mind. Like completely. 

Yes, there were some benefits to Keto, I lost about 6 pounds over the three week period, and before that last week or so, I was feeling pretty good about myself. However, I have come to the conclusion, that anything that makes me act out of character, makes me feel like I’m a recovering heroin addict, and makes my arse burn like hot lava, is not for me. The limited-time I did spend on keto did teach me something. CARBS are in literally everything you eat. And who knew a banana had SO MUCH sugar in it? (My favorite fruit hurt me to my soul when I found out I couldn’t eat it).  So I’ve decided to still cut my Carb intake. Limit my sugar intake, and try to eat more fresh food. Which means I’m cooking more. (Hello instapot). Which saves me money, which ultimately is a good thing. Even though I literally couldn’t sit on my butthole for about a day, and I had to apologize to my sister (I hate apologizing, by the way, my therapist is working on me), I did learn some things doing the keto diet. But this is me, officially declaring myself a quitter. I hate to lose, and I never quit, but this one time, I’m okay with it.