Keto Diaries: Tequila, Tequila, Tequila

Photo by Carl Ibale on Unsplash

Week One:

So week one has come to a close, and I’ve had mixed results. Let me start by saying my amazing husband has decided to do Keto along with me. He’s down about 10 pounds. Me? 4. Even though I know that men lose weight quicker than women, I dig it, I am still irritated to my very core. So, let’s delve into how it went shall we?

Meal Prep. Every single trainer, especially those online/Instagram trainers who want to sell you a PDF for $5,002.00, stresses the importance of meal preparation. I’ve always thought it was a good idea, but never really wanted to make the time investment. Not only are we doing the keto diet, but we are also not spending money this month, so my hand was kind of forced. I do have to say, it was fun trying to find new inventive ways to create the food I like without using too many carbs, and one of my absolute favorite recipes I found was cream cheese pancakes. They were delicious. Who knew cream cheese and eggs, could be so good? Other than that, it was a lot of bacon, eggs, and meat. I also tried cauliflower for the first time. I mashed it with cream cheese and tried cauliflower rice. Again, not a fave, but not too bad. My husband travels often for his job, but he was even able to stick to it, while he was traveling. We were diligent, we counted our carbs, and stayed away from sugar.

Then comes the weekend. My husband and I, like many other couples, married or not, have issues. We’ve been having some problems actually and it’s been going on for quite a while. Where am I going with this and what does it have to do with cream cheese pancakes you ask? Context. You’ll find, I love to provide context, it’s the reason for the length of my blogs. After my therapy session Friday, I was met with this overwhelming urge to go out with him. No kids, no friends, no family, just me and him, gazing into each other eyes, over food. We’re doing a no-spend month remember? So here comes the guilt. Especially because the no-spend month was my idea, I made such a big production of it, and it’s only the 11th of the month. Nonetheless, I shared my inclination with my husband and OF COURSE he was in. I shared more reservations about it, and he suggested Mexican. It’s cheap and we both like it. It didn’t take too much convincing because I wanted to spend the time with him, and I love Mexican. 

Now, I’m sure you’re all thinking, not too many keto options at a Mexican restaurant. Almost every meal comes with rice and beans (both Keto no no’s) and the tortilla shells are made with flour that is not keto-friendly. Honestly? I didn’t too much care. I wanted to spend the time with him, I was feeling him in a way that I hadn’t in a long time, and Mexican food is my Achilles heel. So we go. I order a jumbo tequila, and start munching on the free chips with white sauce. Time for another of my pregnant *pauses.”

If you don’t know anything about keto, let me tell you this. It’s low-carb. Before I was in my “I don’t give two fux’s about keto I want you mode” I had done pretty well that day. I had some keto beef stroganoff, cauliflower rice, and string beans. The only real carb I had was in my serving of sour cream and that was 0.1 amount. Why am I mentioning this? Keep Reading.

The margarita comes, my food comes, and I decide to dive into the margarita. The guilt from the carb infestation that is on my plate kicks in and I decide that I’m just going to pick at the seafood chimichanga I ordered and skip the rice. This, folks, is where I made the biggest mistake of my life, (with room for exaggeration). Let’s pause for some words from the nutritionist and natural doctor Josh Axe:

“When you’ve eaten a lot of carbs and your glycogen stores are filled, the rate at which you get drunk usually slows down. This is because there are more substances in your bloodstream and body that are capable of absorbing alcohol. But when your body is in ketosis, the glycogen in your bloodstream is limited, so you get drunk faster. Even eating a high-protein meal beforehand won’t slow intoxication, as well as carbs, would.

The glycogen in your bloodstream is limited, so you get drunk faster. And in the case of someone who can’t hold their liquor anyway, you get WASTED. And that’s what happened to me. I got WASTED. The room started spinning in the restaurant, my body felt like I could float, and I punctuated every comment I made with that creepy, drunk smile. But here’s where it gets worse. I ran my big mouth. I ran my mouth in a way that sobered up my husband and caused us to exit the restaurant post haste. I don’t remember too much of the ride home, but I remember the vibe was contentious. I get to my house, pass out, and wake up on my living room floor somewhere around 3 am. My husband is seething. I’m confused, and I’m sweating profusely. When I got home and passed out, I passed out in the hoodie and shirt I had worn to the restaurant. Retrospectively this is what caused me to be sweating like I was in the middle of a desert, and not because I had contracted some disease like I initially feared. 

The next day hungover and in full-blown apology mode, I had an emotional relapse, not only did I eat my Mexican from the day before, but I also ordered Papa Johns pizza. I ate at around 10:30 that night, which is a no-no-no matter what diet your on, and I had soda. 

Even after my relapse, I still lost weight which is the ultimate goal. After a week of keto, I can say that I feel lighter, my mind is clearer, and I'm sleeping better. My husband agrees, he says he feels lighter, and his body feels better. So we're going to try and stick with it. The biggest thing I can take away from my first week on keto tho?

STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM tequila. 

Until Next Week.